I’d fret about the rules I shouldn’t break
and made up new ones that I thought were good
and gave myself an existential ache
with fear that I would not do what I should.
I’d fret about my every thought and feeling
that didn’t match what I considered pure
and tried to crush the ones that weren’t appealing,
and it seemed that I would be damned for sure.
But while I couldn’t face that I was flawed
and that my thoughts were full of rot and death,
I focused on myself instead of God
and faith He’d pull me from my hellish depth.
My sin appeared so mighty and immense,
but it’s not God, with Love’s omnipotence.
"On my blog, the sonnet includes a photo I took that I think captures something of the feeling of the way this experience blocks our sense of God, creates a Jesus Eclipse:
The sonnet is written in the past tense as if I were healed already. That is my hope, that I, and all who suffer from it, will be!